Rodney Dangerfield Quotes About Home
-
With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.
→ -
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
→ -
When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.
→ -
I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
→ -
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".
→ -
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
→ -
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
→ -
I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!
→ -
My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back. I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
→ -
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
→ -
We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.
→ -
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
→ -
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
→ -
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
→
Related Authors
-
Andrew Dice Clay Comedian -
Redd Foxx Comedian -
John Candy Actor -
George Carlin Comedian -
Harold Ramis Actor -
Sally Kellerman Actress -
Bill Hicks Comedian -
Henny Youngman Comedian -
Ted Knight Actor -
Jonathan Winters Comedian -
Groucho Marx Comedian -
Bill Murray Actor -
Jonathan Brandis Actor -
Johnny Carson Host -
Don Rickles Comedian -
Sam Kinison Comedian -
Bob Newhart Stand-up comedian -
Steve Martin Actor -
Chevy Chase Comedian -
Richard Pryor Comedian