Sam Kinison Quotes
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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
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When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
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Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.
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I have lived a carnal life.
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
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With any other celebrity, people come up and say, 'Hey, I really like your work.' But with my fans, when they see me, they don't even say hello. They just go, 'AWWWWWGHGHHHGHGHRRR!'
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Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
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It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
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Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.
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So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.
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I got divorced, which was not a good thing for a revivalist minister. It did not go down well. I'd already been banned from a couple churches for my jokes. So one day I woke up and decided it was time to start living for myself.
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The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!
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Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
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AIDS is a horrible disease, and the people who catch it deserve compassion.
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Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.
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Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!
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Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.
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Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.
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I'm attracted to heartbreakers.
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Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!
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You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
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There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"
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Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
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If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.
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Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.
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