Johnny Carson Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Johnny Carson's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Host Johnny Carson's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 142 quotes on this page collected since October 23, 1925! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
  • I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

  • We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

  • Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.

  • People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'

  • I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The times I enjoyed the most were the spontaneous, unplanned segments that just happened, like Ed Ames' infamous "Tomahawk Toss" that produced one of the longest laughs in television history. When these lucky moments happen, you just go with them and enjoy the experience and high of the moment.

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom.

    "Johnny Carson's final 'Tonight Show' monologue". www.cnn.com. May 22, 1992.
  • Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

  • Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.'

  • Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.

  • May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

  • A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.

  • I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.

  • Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable.

    Source: www.alex-haley.com
  • I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.

    "Johnny Carson: The Man Who Retired" by Bill Zehme, www.esquire.com. April 3, 2014.
  • Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  • I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, "I guess you're so big we bore you now."

    Source: www.alex-haley.com
  • I'm an entertainer; I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.

    Source: www.alex-haley.com
  • I get sick of that old rationalization, "We're staying together because of the children." Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.

    Source: www.alex-haley.com
  • Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

  • Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.

  • Like their parents, kids flock to see James Bond and Derek Flint movies - outrageously antiheroic heroes who break all the taboos, making attractive the very things the kids are told they shouldn't do themselves.

    Source: www.alex-haley.com
  • Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

  • If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

  • There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.

    Source: www.alex-haley.com
  • I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.

    Source: www.alex-haley.com
  • People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

  • I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.

  • If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

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  • We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 142 quotes from the Host Johnny Carson, starting from October 23, 1925! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!

    Johnny Carson

    • Born: October 23, 1925
    • Died: January 23, 2005
    • Occupation: Host