Demetri Martin Quotes About Home
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I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.
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For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.
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I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward at regular speed
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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A mobile home with a flat tire is a home.
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I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.
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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
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