Joan Rivers Quotes About Age
-
At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!
→ -
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
→ -
old age' is always ten years more than we are.
→ -
Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
→ -
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
→ -
We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
→ -
With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
→ -
Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
→ -
keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
→ -
My father was a doctor so I was around death all my life. So, I was very used to it because he was a f-king doctor.
→ -
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
→ -
You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
→ -
I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.
→ -
How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
→ -
"I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to tell him: "That was a joke!" But he just didn't get it. Mick Jagger said, "F- 'em if they don't get the joke." And I love him. That comes with age: Knowing it's their problem, not mine."
→ -
Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
→ -
The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.
→ -
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.
→ -
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
→ -
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
→ -
I think we all in comedi business, especially when we reach a certain age, are divas up to a point. I love when a limousine comes for me, I can't lie about that. I love when you go to a restaurant and they say, "Come this way, Miss Rivers," and you get a good table. I love all that, the perks that come with the business.
→ -
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
→ -
I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
→ -
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
→ -
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
→
Related Authors
-
Giuliana Rancic Television Personality -
Barbara Walters Journalist -
Carol Burnett Actress -
George Kotsiopoulos Magazine editor -
Joan Collins Actress -
Margaret Cho Comedian -
Donald Trump 45th President of the United States -
Philip Seymour Hoffman Actor -
Melissa Rivers Actress -
Phyllis Diller Comedienne -
Lena Dunham Filmmaker -
Bill Rancic Entrepreneur -
Michelle Obama Former First Lady of the United States -
Johnny Carson Host -
Don Rickles Comedian -
Kathy Griffin Actress -
Betty White Actress -
Joan of Arc Saint -
Kelly Osbourne Singer -
Lucille Ball Comedienne