Henny Youngman Quotes About Comedy
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."
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You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
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This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.
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She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
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