George Carlin Quotes About Life
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Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky.
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The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
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A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Always do whatever's next.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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What if there were no hypothetical questions?
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You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montana, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.
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Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
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The status quo sucks.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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