W. C. Fields Quotes About Alcohol
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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