Woody Allen Quotes About Funny
-
At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.
→ -
... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
→ -
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
→ -
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.
→ -
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
→ -
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
→ -
What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
→ -
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
→ -
She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
→ -
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
→ -
Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
→ -
Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it."
→ -
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.
→ -
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
→ -
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
→ -
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
→ -
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
→ -
Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.
→ -
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
→ -
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
→ -
Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
→ -
I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.
→ -
I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
→ -
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
→ -
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
→ -
Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident.
→ -
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
→ -
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
→ -
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
→ -
To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
→
Related Authors
-
Mia Farrow Actress -
Emma Stone Actress -
Clint Eastwood Actor -
Penelope Cruz Actress -
Scarlett Johansson Actress -
Roman Polanski Film director -
Quentin Tarantino Film director -
Stanley Kubrick Film director -
Colin Firth Film actor -
Woody Harrelson Actor -
Martin Scorsese Film director -
Ronan Farrow Activist -
John Turturro Actor -
Diane Keaton Film actress -
Sharon Stone Actress -
Jesse Eisenberg Actor -
Francis Ford Coppola Film director -
Cate Blanchett Actress -
Elaine May Film director -
Mariel Hemingway Actress