Stephen Colbert Quotes About Funny
-
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
→ -
Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
→ -
They said you can't go to the moon. They said you can't put cheese inside a pizza crust, but NASA did it. They had to, because the cheese kept floating off in space.
→ -
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
→ -
The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
→ -
On this show, your voice will be heard in the form of my voice.
→ -
Well China, you got us. Phelps was doping - and he still beat you. He smoked the sticky-icky, and then he smoked your ass!
→ -
To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
→ -
Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
→ -
There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
→ -
There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.
→ -
Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.
→ -
Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
→ -
You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'.
→ -
I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?
→ -
Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.
→ -
Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
→
Related Authors
-
Larry Wilmore Producer -
Conan O'Brien Talk show host -
Seth Rogen Comedian -
Craig Ferguson Talk show host -
James Corden Actor -
Donald Trump 45th President of the United States -
David Letterman Talk show host -
John Oliver Comedian -
Joe Biden Vice President of the United States -
Trevor Noah Comedian -
Jimmy Fallon Television host -
Bill Maher Comedian -
Allison Janney Actress -
Jon Stewart Satirist -
Jay Leno Comedian -
Rachel Maddow Host -
Neil deGrasse Tyson Astrophysicist -
Samantha Bee Actress -
Steve Carell Actor -
Bill O'Reilly Host