Robert Orben Quotes
-
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
→ -
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.
→ -
I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."
→ -
Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
→ -
When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
→ -
Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
→ -
I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
→ -
If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
→ -
Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
→ -
Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.
→ -
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
→ -
Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
→ -
Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.
→ -
All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
→ -
Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
→ -
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
→ -
What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?
→ -
Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
→ -
A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
→ -
I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.
→ -
Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
→ -
With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
→ -
Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are jokes. That's how we tend to define what we think of a public figure.
→ -
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.
→ -
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world
→ -
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
→ -
President Ford used humor a great deal.
→ -
It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke.
→ -
Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
→ -
Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.
→
Related Authors
-
Robert Benchley Humorist -
Maxwell Maltz Author -
Tommy Cooper Comedian -
Ashleigh Brilliant Author -
Sun Tzu Strategist -
Baltasar Gracian Writer -
Margaret Mead Cultural Anthropologist -
Jack Paar Author -
Percy Bysshe Shelley Poet -
Henri Bergson Philosopher -
Bill Vaughan Author -
Marcus Tullius Cicero Philosopher -
Red Skelton Entertainer -
Charlotte Dacre Author -
Kenji Miyazawa Poet -
Julius Charles Hare Writer -
Indira Gandhi Former Prime Minister of India -
Bob Hope Comedian -
-
Antonio Porchia Poet