Josh Billings Quotes About Funny
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Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
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As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
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There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
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If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.
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Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.
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There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
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When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.
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Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
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You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
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The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
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Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
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Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
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Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
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My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.
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Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
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Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.
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The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
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Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.
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The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
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Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
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Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
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I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.
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It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
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