Jimmy Fallon Quotes About Funny
-
A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.
→ -
I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.
→ -
Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that's a good way to honor Lincoln by sending people to the theater.
→ -
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
→ -
It was a great Olympics - Team USA finished the games with 17 more medals than China. China said it was tough to swallow - especially when they had to make all of our "We're #1" T-shirts.
→ -
Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.'
→ -
The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.
→ -
Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if there's any justice, the minute they're done building it, God will introduce a newer, smaller sun that's not compatible with their machinery.
→ -
Mitt Romney will travel to London where he will attend the Olympics opening ceremony. Of course it's going ot be weird when they're announcing all the countries, and he's like 'Got a bank account there, got one there, two bank accounts there.'
→ -
An Internet rumor claims that John Kerry had an affair with a young woman. When asked if this was similar to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, a spokesman said 'Close, but no cigar.'
→ -
Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'
→
Related Authors
-
Conan O'Brien Talk show host -
Emma Stone Actress -
Louis C. K. Comedian -
Dwayne Johnson Actor -
James Corden Actor -
Jennifer Lawrence Actress -
Stephen Colbert Satirist -
Justin Timberlake Singer-songwriter -
David Letterman Talk show host -
John Oliver Comedian -
Tina Fey Actress -
Bradley Cooper Actor -
Bill Maher Comedian -
Nicole Kidman Actress -
Ellen DeGeneres Comedian -
Will Smith Actor -
Jay Leno Comedian -
Tom Cruise Film actor -
Jonah Hill Actor -
Kevin Hart Actor