Christian Finnegan Quotes
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I really respect peple who try. People who say, No, I'm actually going to do the best I can. That said, you want to do the best you can while remaining who you are.
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There are two kinds of intelligence in this world. People who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart... If you're starting your own business, don't even talk to me. But If you need to know who the lead singer of Kajagoogoo is, I'm your guy. His name is Limahl, by the way.
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The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it.
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I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.
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If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be myself, rather than playing a wacky neighbor. Although, I would gladly play a wacky neighbor of any sort.
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The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.
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Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money.
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If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1.
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I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg.
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I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.
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Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.
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Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while taking a leak. See, the women in the room, they might not know what we're talking about; every dude knows.
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I've always prided myself on being able to perform in the "alt-comedy" zone, but also being able to do comedy for people who aren't media-saturated, and maybe don't have the latest Dan Deacon album. I probably won't be the most popular guy at Zanies in Nashville, and I'll never be the coolest dude at Largo, but I like that I can swim in both those waters.
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Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits.
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There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up is as close as you're ever going to get to being 100 percent in control of a situation artistically, and I don't understand why people wouldn't want to keep doing that.
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Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.
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The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.
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I joined a gym recently. I don't have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this time's gonna be different. I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either I'll get into shape, or I'll just resign myself to paying an $85 a month fat tax.
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What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the opposite of funny. To amuse someone is to eliminate discomfort and awkwardness, kind of like a massage for the brain, while to be funny is to point out awkwardness and discomfort. Everyone thinks they want funny, but they really want amusement.
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You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.
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There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.
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I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.
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If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda.
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Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.
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Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.
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Canada, or as i call them, America Light.
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If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.
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Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I always wanted that hour special on cable.
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You know what I'm great at? Trivial Pursuit. What good is that gonna do you in life? It has the word 'trivial' in the name. The game is basically telling you that you pursue trivial things. Trivial - as in not important. Trivial - as in maybe you should've gone to grad school.
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Of course, the world is different now. There's a glut of comedians with specials, so it's just not possible to make an impact the way Bill Cosby: Himself did. It's like, The Beatles were amazing, but it also helped that not many bands were putting out albums then.
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