Brian P. Cleary Quotes
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You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a middle and an end has been done to death.
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I like all things grammatical, and I had already written several books about parts of speech, and even the alphabet, so everything that makes up a sentence and even a word was covered except for punctuation.
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Children are like sponges; they start to smell after a little while.
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If a couple has their picture taken at a wedding or other social gathering, and the woman looks hot, her guy could be blinking, chewing, or even mid-sneeze, and she’ll still display it on her desk at work.
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I love the semicolon; it's unnecessary, but graceful and sophisticated.
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If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.
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When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.
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In writing I found something I could do at least as well as my peers, if not better.
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Our cat is kind dove shellfish, and thinks the world is hers, She finds a comfy spot and then we pet turtle sheep purrs.
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When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.
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Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.
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Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.
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It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.
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There’s no such thing as free kittens.
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A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.
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Not only is love blind, it’s a little hard of hearing.
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Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand that the more words they can comprehend about a funny story or a joke, the more they'll enjoy it.
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It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about).
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