Bill Bailey Quotes About Funny
-
It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
→ -
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
→ -
Nostalgia: How long's that been around?
→ -
I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
→ -
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"
→ -
It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.
→ -
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
→ -
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
→ -
The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
→ -
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
→ -
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
→ -
I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
→ -
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
→ -
People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
→ -
This shed does not contain me.
→ -
There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
→ -
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
→ -
This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."
→ -
Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.
→ -
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
→ -
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
→ -
That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
→ -
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
→ -
I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
→ -
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
→ -
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
→ -
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?
→ -
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
→ -
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
→ -
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
→
Related Authors
-
Jack Dee Comedian -
Stephen Fry Comedian -
Michael McIntyre Stand-up comedian -
Jo Brand Actress -
Billy Connolly Comedian -
Dylan Moran Comedian -
Sean Lock Comedian -
Eddie Izzard Comedian -
Simon Amstell Comedian -
Ricky Gervais Comedian -
Alan Davies Comedian -
Rich Hall Comedian -
Jimmy Carr Comedian -
Simon Pegg Actor -
Dara O Briain Stand-up comedian -
Graham Linehan Television writer -
Tamsin Greig Actress -
Emma Thompson Actress -
Tim Minchin Comedian -
Bill Burr Comedian