Pat Paulsen Quotes
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On the issue of inflation, I think I could solve it no matter how much money it took.
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Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?
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I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!
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They said I ignored the drug problem. Well, I gave speeches on drugs, I wrote books on drugs. I did darn near everything on drugs!
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Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.
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People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?'
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Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.
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It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
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The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.
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So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.
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I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.
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In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.
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In conclusion, you can see that there is a place for censors and we only wish that we could tell you where it is.
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I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
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You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.
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I don't need adult supervision.
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I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.
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I like to pour my wines for people. I watch their eyes, I can see what they'll like. Most people say they don't like dry wine because they haven't had a dry wine that's clean and fruity, instead of a big, oaky thing.
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Many of you have asked why it's taken me so long to select a running mate. I have no intention of reaching into the political grab bag and grabbing any man to be my running mate. I'm going to reach in and grab a woman!
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I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it?
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I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.
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If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.
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Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.'
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Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.
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Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'
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I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.
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The only thing we have to fear is fear itself-and possibly teh bogey man.
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I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.
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I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.
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I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
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