Mallory Ortberg Quotes
-
You may not be able to convince everyone around you that you're doing the right thing, but you don't have to subject yourself to endless second-guessing from others, either.
→ -
It's so difficult to figure out how to offer support and also be honest with someone you love who's in a damaging relationship without making them feel defensive and retreating even further into isolation.
→ -
You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
→ -
If this is something you'd truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating, there are a wealth of resources out there for the enthusiastic amateur (you are far from the only would-be blow-jobber whose spirit is willing but gag reflex is weak). You have more options than "no blow jobs, ever" and "regular whole-hog sessions to completion that result in vomiting."
→ -
You, too, will someday die, perhaps under inconvenient circumstances, at a time when you do not particularly wish to, and for causes that you cannot yet predict.
→ -
If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, "Yes, it bothers me." Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock.
→ -
Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
→ -
I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney "only" to family members.
→ -
There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
→ -
You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.
→ -
Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
→ -
Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
→ -
Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
→ -
Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.
→ -
You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
→ -
If you go out with someone and decide you don't want to see them again, do them the courtesy of saying, "Hey, I had a nice time, but I don't think things are going to work out between us." Only you can help fight ghosting.
→ -
I don't think unfriending your old crush on Facebook will do much other than remove him from your Facebook feed. Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about; there are a lot worse things that could slip across the transom of your unconscious mind than an old high school crush who was always nice to you.
→ -
Worrying seems like a fairly natural state of being for a parent, so feel free to worry as much as you want.
→ -
Your partner cannot fault you for refusing to host a perpetual-motion party or for the fact that you must sleep and will eventually die.
→ -
Arm yourself with as many options as possible before making your next move.
→ -
It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!
→ -
If and when you do decide to share your experience with your husband, it should be because you feel ready to do so, not for any other reason.
→ -
If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.
→ -
Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
→ -
There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.
→ -
o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It’s a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly off to take a cruise just to see you get married, and they’re perfectly justified in saying no if they don’t have the time, the money, or simply the inclination.
→ -
It can't hurt to have a backup.
→ -
Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.
→ -
Tenancy laws can be so complicated; I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.
→ -
Acting politely in front of someone black and/or gay and then making horrible claims about their intelligence or worth as human beings after they leave the room is not kindness - it's hypocrisy.
→
Related Authors
-
Pippa Evans Comedian -
Kathryn Schulz Journalist -
Megan Amram Comedian -
Roxane Gay Writer -
Rick Bragg Journalist -
Carol Ryrie Brink Author -
Fiona Wood Surgeon -
Margo Lanagan Writer -
Kate Constable Author -
John Ortberg Author -
Lili Wilkinson Author