Ben Elton Quotes
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My advice to anyone adapting a novel is that once they've read it and learnt to understand it, then they must throw it away and never look at it again!
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You think I look like a teletubby?
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This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.
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Kingsley watched her disappear from the room, wondering if his heart would break. Logic informed him that of course it would not. The heart was no more than a muscle, a pump which distributed blood about the body.
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Beyond love, beyond unrequited love, perhaps even beyond any other passion known to humanity, deep, deep in the depths of the turgid, clinging, swamplike pit of despair that lies dormant within every soul, lurks JEALOUSY. Jealousy, that most demeaning and debilitating of emotions. Jealousy, which can double the strength of the love upon which it is based, but whilst doubling it, warp and pervert it, untill it is no longer recognizable as the thing of beauty it once was. Jealous love is no more like true love than Mr Hyde was like Dr Jekyll or a stagnant swamp is like a freshwater lake.
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Yes, OK, farty is a silly word. I wish I'd never used it. I'm 34. Perhaps it was a word for my 20s.
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I'm lucky because the strongest emotion I have ever felt is being in love, and that definitely informs my writing.
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You're mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund
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Artists don't create society, they reflect it
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I find the fact that billionaires are quoted as if the fact that they are billionaires gives them some kind of wisdom is outrageous.
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People who get through life dependent on other people's possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count.
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I try hard not to preach, but I get carried away, which is a mistake, but it's a risk worth running.
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For the past seventeen years I have been experimenting with lager. I am a lager user and one drug leads to another. If you do lager, as night follows day, you'll end up doing Kentucky Fried Chicken.
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If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven.
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I'm easy to work with, not a pushover, but I respond to criticism and find it inspiring.
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If I did things for the money, I'd have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and 'Police Academy 6,' which I was asked to write.
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Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.
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I don't consider myself Jewish. I am half-Jewish by race but not through my mother.
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Any closer would unravel her mystery, the very thing which made her so truly beautiful...It was her mystery that he adored. He was in love with everything that he did not know about her... No real sexual encounter could ever match the secret one that he could nurture in his imagination... No living flesh could ever be the erotic equal of flesh kept private, untouchable and unknowable
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I don't know what people who I've never met think about me. Some have written horrible things, some have written nice things - but I'm proud of the fact I've remained close to everyone I've ever worked with.
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The Germans are a cruel race. Their operas last for six hours and they have no word for fluffy.
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And roast beef and Yorkshire pudding is my personal signature dish.
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I exercise hard and the reason I do is so that I can earn the things I like to consume.
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I see dull people as projects ... to be reformed
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My parents were secular. I am an atheist.
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Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar. You have to hold it, you have to read it.
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The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value.
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You didn't wake up, your dreams just changed gear.
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I did not vote Labour because they've heard of Oasis and nobody is going to vote Tory because William Hague has got a baseball cap.
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Leaders should never, ever try to look cool - that's for dictators
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